Life After Botched

*WARNING- THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC IMAGES*

I didn’t know life without gauze, bandages, bleeding, and exposed tissue. I tried to remember life before this… but I just couldn’t. I tried to visualize my body before this… but I just couldn’t.

If you are just reading this story for the first time, you might be thinking what in the world happened to her?!

You can read my story of how my explant and breast lift went terribly wrong… Surviving a Botched Surgery. But I warn you… it’s full of very graphic images, so if you can’t handle it, then I’ll just give you the rundown.

Read: SURVIVING A BOTCHED SURGERY

Quick Back Story

I had breast implants for a decade and had clear symptoms of Breast Implant Illness. I finally decided it was time to have them removed. I was extremely excited about getting them out of my body and feeling normal again. Unfortunately, my surgery went completely wrong.

I was BOTCHED! My right breast showed early signs of necrosis. This is where your skin and/or tissue didn’t get enough oxygen and blood flow during or even after surgery. When this happens your tissue eventually dies; without blood and oxygen, it can’t survive, even for a short period of time.

Well, that’s exactly what happened to my right areola and parts of my right breast; they showed early signs of discolored tissue, became black, and died. And eventually, that would lead to wound dehiscence.

Once the skin and tissue died, it split open and left me with a whole in my chest where there was once a full breast. That was then followed by months of wound care and multiple surgeries.

And this is where we are now.

My Wound Care Journey

After 3 months of supervised wound care, I was finally able to go back home from Salt Lake City to Montana, where I was living at the time. I was a little nervous to be on my own and not to have the constant observations and encouragement from my doctor and his nurses. I was slowly starting to heal but still fully exposed. The process was long and grueling.

Wound care became my life, with twice-a-day dressing changes and a few breakdowns here and there. I felt like every few days I was purchasing gauze and bandages to keep up with my demanding care… the Amazon delivery person became my best friend! But now, along with the wet-to-dry packing and bandaging, I was adding the routine of rubbing Manuka Honey on my open tissue as well.

The doctor said I would heal pretty quickly at this point with the honey and the wound debridement. To my surprise, it was healing quicker than the months prior. I finally had some relief, because now the wound wasn’t getting bigger and wider as it had been but shrinking in size.

The Mental Difficulties of Wound Care

There comes a point in wound care, where all of your insides are completely exposed. You are constantly looking at tissue, fat, blood, veins… the whole thing! And for me, all I wanted to do was be closed up. I had never appreciated my skin so much, as I had before going through all of this.

I so badly wanted the doctor to pull my right breast back together and sew me closed. I wanted the reassurance that all of my insides were on my outsides, and more honestly, so I wouldn’t have to think about it every second of the day.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough skin to do that at this point in my healing stage. And more importantly, the doctor wanted my right breast to be softer, which is less scar tissue before he did so as well.

If we closed me up too soon… I would just split open once again. It’s like when you’ve gained too much weight and try to put on those pants that are 2 sizes too small… they just pop right back open. And I didn’t want to pop back open!

The Beginning of Wound Care Healing

Now that I was back home, I would send pictures to my doctor every 3 weeks to show the progression of my healing. I was seeing a lot more skin regrowth, especially around the nipple area. It seemed to be reattaching itself back to the breast itself. Thank goodness!

I was using a lot less gauze now and seemed like overnight I was healing. The nice thing was, I wasn’t having to pack gauze all the way up inside my breast, especially the underneath part.

Although there was a pocket, almost like a small tunnel still way up inside there. I had to take a surgical Q-tip and really push my wet gauze all the way up inside… but not anywhere as bad as before though. Still not pleasant since I was getting more feelings back to that breast

What to Expect When Healing 

During this time, my left breast was healing beautifully, and it was so nice to finally sleep on my left side again. I kept thinking during this whole time… what if my right breast was like my left breast? I would have been completely healed by now and would have two breasts that were identical and healthy.

For now… that just wasn’t the case.

My right breast was having shooting pains that were beyond uncomfortable! I could feel the pain mostly next to the areola where the doctor had taken out a large chunk of my dead tissue. I’m assuming this was where most of my tissue, blood vessels, and nerves had the most growth and they were growing back quickly now. I could feel the regrowth daily… it was such a bizarre feeling!

My Diet During Wound Care

Like many of us, when going through a really rough time, I was stress eating. While staying in Salt Lake City with my sister during all of this, I found myself eating anything that was comforting for the moment.

Since it was the holidays, it was easy to get my hands (and mouth) on every junk food you could think of, and I did! This, at the time, seemed to relieve some mental and emotional pain. I knew from my education in Nutritional Science, this was the worst thing for me. I just didn’t seem to care though. I wanted to eat away my pain and frustrations.

Controlling My Diet

After being able to grasp the whole situation and feeling like I was beginning to have some control back, I knew I needed to make some changes.

I took a good look at my diet and therefore decided that healing was a priority over my emotional comfort foods. I knew better… I knew sugar, flour and a higher carbohydrate diet created more inflammation in the body and slowed down the speed of my healing.

I did make some small changes. Since I am an emotional eater, and food was constantly around, I couldn’t just go cold turkey. I should have… but I wasn’t ready just yet.

Those small changes included adding triple the protein to my diet. Protein is the most important macronutrient when it comes to healing and rebuilding. I also increased my water consumption to over 100 oz each day, as well.

Now my diet consisted of 2 protein drinks a day, large amounts of water, and cutting back on overindulging in simple carbs… JUNK FOOD. It wasn’t by much, but I do believe it helped my body heal at a faster rate than before.

I will say, looking back now, a year and a few months later, I wish I had eliminated almost all carbs, increase my protein even more, and added more vegetables at the time. But when this was all happening, it just couldn’t, physically, emotionally, and mentally. The stress was just too much.  

The Importance of Diet During Healing

Even 16 months after my original surgery, my body is still dealing with shock, trauma, and endless surgeries. Diet and stress are the main key factors for healing, physically and mentally.

While working very closely with my primary doctor, everything is still eliminated from my diet for the most part. I stick to a high protein diet, very low carb, and moderate fat diet, with no sugars, flour, dairy, caffeine, or alcohol. With the last few months of strictly following those diet restrictions, I have noticed huge changes in my healing process.

Diet plays a massive role in healing. If you are healing from surgery, have Breast Implant Illness, or any kinda stress, trauma, or autoimmune disease, your diet is the biggest contributor to healing and feeling better. It sucks to have to limit pretty much everything… but feeling better is more worth it!

If you can… try your best to eliminate what you can. When you do that, then your body isn’t trying to fight the healing process and the inflammation created by unhealthy eating and can just focus on healing.

Months and months later with my body still healing, diet has become my number one focus. And it’s working!

Documenting My Wound Care Healing

While back home and 4 months after my initial surgery, I was closely monitoring all of my changes. Every couple of days I was taking pictures of the progress of my right breast. To me, I was looking at the same breast every day and the gradual changes weren’t as evident. Which is why the pictures were extremely helpful.

I could look back over the months, weeks, and even days and see the mind-blowing changes! Each time I looked over them I was in shock at where I was, to the advancements my body was making. I was beyond grateful for the evolution and many times in disbelief of the past.

I couldn’t believe how far I had come and everything I had gone through.

Reality vs Expectations of Wound Healing

Documenting my journey became a very real and tangible experience that validated the reality of what I had gone through. Each day I was healing and closing up faster and faster. Less of my breast tissue was exposed and now I was using smaller amounts of gauze and bandages.

Although my right breast was healing and the wound was closing, I was very much deformed. The nipple, and what little was left of my areola, was disfigured and taking a shape of its own. It was just a mess!

I think somewhere in my mind and distorted reality… I thought I would close up and my right breast would look similar to my left. My delusional thinking was probably some sort of mind trick to help me get through all of this.

Don’t get me wrong… I was very grateful to be healing. I just wanted to be normal again.

 The Messiness of Healing

Even though I was rebuilding new tissue and my skin was developing over the breast. I still had a very deep hole that was tunneled from under the breast to the side of what was left of my areola.

I had to continue to put Manuka Honey anywhere that was still exposed and all the way up into that hole. I didn’t want to miss any tissue that needed the healing properties of the honey. I just couldn’t risk it!

This was difficult to get the honey up inside that hole though. The thing about using honey on a wound is, your body melts it very fast. Not only do you have to work quickly to put it on, in my case up into my breast, but you have to work just as fast to bandage yourself all up before it drips all over you and EVERYWHERE. I mean… literally everywhere!

Talk about a sticky mess I was in.

Surgery #4

The interesting thing was, I never really healed and closed 100%. The skin for the most part grew back over the once-exposed tissue. I think at the time, I had in mind that my breast would come together and look like a normal breasts again. But it didn’t. I still had that deep hole that tunneled all the way up into my breast.

That’s when the doctor scheduled me for my 4^th surgery. This time he planned to go in, “spin my nipple around”, (his words not mine), and close me up.

During this surgery, he would remove a lot of that hard scar tissue, place the nipple/areola in the correct area and would bring my skin together, and completely close me up. I wish I could tell you I was excited about this 4^th surgery… but I wasn’t.

I prayed this time it would work, and that I wouldn’t have to go through another rejected surgery. I was done with all the wound care, and I knew my body couldn’t take anymore.

Results of Yet… Another Surgery

The beginning of February, 5 months after my original surgery, I was scheduled for yet another one. This 4^th surgery went a lot more smoothly than the prior ones. When I woke up from the anesthesia, I noticed I wasn’t put into a compression bra like all the prior times. This was different.

My breast had been compromised from all the trauma and was extremely fragile. Any compression to the right breast would have probably had a negative reaction. The right breast needed to be handled with extreme care.

When I finally was able to look at the newly closed-up breast, I was so happy to see it was beginning to look like a typical breast again. I had more sutures (of course), and the areola and nipple were now in the correct location to be expected. Another Penrose drain was placed at the bottom of the breast to help with any fluid buildup.

Interestingly enough, where I had first noticed issues from an open wound after my original surgery, on the top right of my breast months ago, this part of my breast seemed to still be open. It had a little hole that the sutures didn’t quite close up. This would come into play a few months down the road!

Surgery After Wound Care

After the 4^th surgery, it was only weeks before I was completely close and visually looked like I was all healed (on the outside)! I felt like my old self again… well, for the most part. I was no longer exposed and doing wound care. I honestly felt like I was on top of the world again.

It’s amazing how when your body is on the brink of something horrific, how you can’t function or even think straight. This was a very difficult time for me, but I truly felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Healing & Scar Tissue

I was a little naive though. I thought since I was all closed up and healing, it would just be weeks before the doctor could go in, fix my nipple, and make my breast look the same.

That of course didn’t happen!

Although my right breast was visually healed, it was hard as a rock. My plastic surgeon didn’t want to do another surgery until my tissue was soft and the body had naturally removed a lot of that massive scar tissue under the skin.

The last bit to heal was a little scab on the upper left portion of the areola. I just thought… ok this is taking a little bit of time to come off, wasn’t too big of a concern.

As my luck and stubborn breast would have it… that of course wasn’t the case!

Liquified Breast Tissue

It had been 2 months since my last surgery and 7 months from the initial explant and breast lift one. I was on my way to healing completely and my right breast was softer with only a chunk of hard scar tissue in the breast. Then it happened.

Ok, so this time I didn’t burst open. Well… for the most part, it didn’t.

I woke up around 2 am to find that little scab, above the right areola, had swollen and formed a huge bubble. This was crazy because I had just gone to bed a few hours earlier and there were no signs of anything like this.

Starting to get nervous… and considering everything I had just been through over the last 7 months, my heart once again started racing. I had no idea what was happening and was afraid of where this was going to lead me.

The bubble seemed to be getting bigger and bigger. Of course, I couldn’t just go back to bed. I sat there in the bathroom trying to wrap my brain around this one, once again. Then I decided to touch it.

Ok, so I’m going to spare you the very graphic and gory details. Somethings just don’t need to be replayed. To this day I am still very grossed out and that’s saying a lot with what I had just experienced over the last year of my life!

Let’s just say a lot of stuff came out of that bubble. I would later find out this was liquefied breast tissue that had died and was building. It needed to exit the body and since this was the weakest tissue because it was last to heal, it came out from there.

I know! DISGUSTING!!! I had thought I was over all this stuff.

My Complications Continue

I couldn’t believe it myself. I had just closed up completely and everything was looking really good until this happened. Now I had yet another hole in my breast!

I was put on even more antibiotics to prevent any sort of concerning infections. The dose of the 3 antibiotics were so strong that even the pharmacists were shocked! This was the kind of level of medications they give to those with a staph infection. Yikes!

From that news, I was starting to freak out. This of course added more stress on top of what I was already going through.  

Post Wound Care and Internally Healing

Currently, it has now been a year and 4 months since I was initially botched. I have been living with a deformed right breast. Even though it has healed beautifully, still has a long road ahead before normalcy.

Since the last traumatic experience of the liquified breast tissue, I haven’t dealt with necrosis or wound dehiscence. Although, I have experienced kidney stones, from the excessive amounts of antibiotics I was put on over the 16 months.

Not sure what was worse… the months of wound care or the kidney stones! UGH!

Even though my doctor wants to go in now, and fix the right breast, I have made a conscious decision to wait. I want my body to fully heal before taking the next steps.

This next surgery is scheduled a year from that last time I was opened up. It will be a year since that liquified breast tissue eruption. Ugh… the one I don’t even like to think about haha.

I need this time to focus on my diet, my healing, and my mental and physical stamina. I need to be prepared for optimal healing!

Mentally and Physically Healing

I’d like to think, I’m almost done with my botched journey, but that might be putting the cart before the horse. I still have a few more surgeries to make my breast look similar. I don’t know if they will ever look the same since I am so disfigured, but I’m hoping!

I don’t experience any more pain in either breast and the hard lump of scar tissue on the right breast isn’t as evident. I’ve softened up a lot over the months and I’m almost ready for the next surgery to happen.

So… What’s Next?

The 5^th surgery should be an easier process…*fingers crossed*. Since my right breast is half the size of my left, I have two options.

Option 1: Reduce the left breast to match the right, giving me a very small breast.

or…

Option 2: A fat graft to the right breast to make it the same size as the left.

And of course, both includes fixing the areolas to match each other, but that will be surgery #6.

A Fat Transfer vs A Breast Reduction

Both options come with their complications though. Option 1, would be more complicated and be removing more breast tissue… I don’t really want that. Option 2, is quicker, and I would have liposuction from parts of my body placed in my right breast. Option 2 sounds better, right?

Well yeah! Buuuuut… with a fat transfer only about 50-30% of the fat takes. So, what the doctor will do is pump my right breast super full of fat, like 2 times the size it is now! And for while I’ll be living with a gigantic right breast, quite the opposite of what I’m working with right now haha.

Then it’s a waiting game… we wait to see how much of the fat the breast took and go from there. We should know in about a month to 6 weeks, what took and what didn’t. If the breast took a lot… we take some out. If the breast didn’t take any or not enough… we put more in. And fingers crossed it took what it needed and didn’t reject all of it. Ugh!

A normal fat graft or fat transfer can be done under local anesthesia. But with the complications and exactness mine needs to be done with, I once again have to go under. I’ve been told it is a pretty easy recovery, but where they take the fat from, will not be so pleasant. That will take some time to hear. So… I guess we’ll see in 2 months!

After that… if that goes well, then next will be the areolas.

My Disfigured Life

I’m beyond excited to have my breast fixed and to move past this time in my life. It sucks to have to stuff and pad my right breast to match and look even, but this has become my way of life.

It’s not always easy to look at myself naked, in the mirror. Not the same way it was hard to look at myself during my wound care, but difficult to look at, because of the disfigurement. But I don’t let this stop me from living my life though.

Would I like things to be different? Of course. Am I excited to have them fixed? YES… more than anything! But does this define me as a person or as a woman? No.

My life has changed completely from this experience. I have learned so much about myself and who I am. I have gone to hell and back. These last few years have shaped me to become a better person, a more compassionate person.

I have learned to love myself, my determination, and my perseverance. Even more so to love how incredible my body is and, the gift of healing.

Plastic Surgery… Good or Bad?

This story isn’t about how you shouldn’t get plastic surgery. I’m all for it. I’ve said many times in the past… if you don’t like it, fix it. You shouldn’t have to live your life miserable with parts of your body you can’t change on your own.

Yes, I completely believe in self-love and accepting yourself the way you are. But if you can change things and move on with your life… why not?! We are here to live a fulfilled life, full of experiences and growth. If there are things you want to be changed, and that can help you live a better life if you do… then do it.

But, having said that, you need to be aware of the complications and downsides of plastic surgery. One minute your life can be completely turned upside down because you chose to make significant changes.

You may end up in a similar situation to mine… I sincerely hope not! No one should have to go through what I have gone through over the past 11 years. But the reality is, it happens.

You must EDUCATE YOURSELF before making big decisions that could change your life forever. And if/when you decide to, hope for the best but be as prepared, as you can be, for the worst. This is the most important advice I can give you. 💗

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