Why I Wish I Never Got Breast Implants!

After eight breast surgeries later, I am disfigured, beyond embarrassed of my body, and regretting ever getting breast implants in the first place!

Ok, so my story may be similar to others, (I doubt it). You might have heard of one or two of these things happening to someone else, but probably not ALL to the same person. 

This is definitely a story of… I never thought it would happen to me and boy was I wrong!

I’m writing my story so that if you are considering breast implants, wondering if you have Breast Implant Illness, or waiting to have your explant this might be helpful. Hopefully, you can see what has happened to me and get ahead of your decisions and complications before it’s too late.

My Story

It’s been two years since I’ve had my breast implants removed. Most women who have had an explant, usually recover and go back to normal activities within 6 weeks. We are told at that point you can go back to working out (no upper body though) and about 2 months post-opt you can begin to add upper body workouts slowly.

But this didn’t happen for me.

Let me back up to my reasonings to get breast implants in the first place.

My Choice to Get Breast Implants

I was in my late 20s, I had lost a significant amount of weight and my breasts weren’t the breasts I thought a 20-year-old should have. To be honest… I wasn’t looking for Pamala Anderson (or as now we know, most Instagram models). I was looking just to have breasts that fit my new body.

I want a round shapely breast that when I took off my bra, didn’t look extremely stretched out and saggy. So, I opted for breast implants.

Unfortunately, 15 years ago you couldn’t just jump on the internet and look up all this information. And let’s be honest, there wasn’t a lot of transparency like there is now. This was something you did and didn’t talk about.

My Breast Implant Surgery

That’s me in the picture in Vegas… I’m the short one. This was before my breast implants… I know you are thinking why did you get implants in the first place?! Lots of skin and not enough breast fat.

My sister had just had hers done and loved her outcome, so I then contacted her doctor and made the appointment.

This wasn’t a hard surgery, but it wasn’t a pleasant one either. I remember feeling like an elephant was sitting on my chest and how difficult it was to breathe. After sleeping for the first couple of days, I couldn’t get out of bed unless I used my core and legs.

Upper body usage was not an option. I clearly remember sitting in my bathtub as I sponged bathed myself, and thinking… oh no, how am I going to get out of this tub!? Considering calling for help I was determined to do it myself. So, I began rocking my body back and forth and using the strength of my legs helped me out of that situation. That actually worked! haha

Weeks and Months After My Breast Implant Surgery

Since I was the main bartender and closing manager, I was only able to take a certain amount of time off and had to go back within a week of surgery. Looking back now, I have no idea how I even managed! However, being back to work so soon was more than I bargained for, as the pain at times was unbearable. No one knew I had just gotten breast implants and I wanted to keep it that way.

My breasts were huge, and I wasn’t able to lift my arms above my shoulders for a long time. Doing my hair and sometimes getting dressed really sucked. But eventually, my breast implants began to settle, and the swelling went down, and I was able to lift my arms over time.

I liked them for the most part but wasn’t 100% in love with them. I think since I had large breasts my whole life, I expected these implants to not move. Don’t get me wrong… mine were extremely natural looking and you couldn’t tell I had implants at all. But I was looking for breasts that were a little more stable and I could go without a bra at all times. That didn’t happen.

My 1^st Signs of Complications- The Double Bubble

As my implants began to settle, I noticed things weren’t as perfect as I expected them to be. Lifting my arms over my head (or even just laying down),  something was odd. My breast had a crease or should I say, a second crease under my breast, where my breast hits the breast bone area.

Eventually, I learned this is called a ‘double bubble’. This is when the implant slips below the breast fold and creates a double bubble. This was occurring in my left breast only. My right breast seemed to hold the implant in place for the most part.

When talking to my plastic surgeon, he of course, just said, ‘Sometimes this happens’. He then told me if I wanted to, I could pay for another surgery to correct it. Grrrr. Just what I didn’t want to do, pay for another surgery and go back under!

So, I left it and just made sure it wasn’t seen by others. Having said that, my double bubble was resolved with the next complication I had!

My 2^nd Breast Implant Complication- The Breast Implant Rupture

As time went on, I ignored my double bubble and went on with my life. I figured I’d just live with it, it wasn’t causing any current issues, it was just not cosmetically appealing.

One morning I woke up and my double bubble was no longer an issue. As I laid in bed, I looked down and noticed my left breast implant was completely deflated. As I believe any normal person would react… I jumped up, looked in the mirror, and burst into tears. Looking back now… yeah that might have been an overaction, I was just in shock!

When you get breast implants your expectations of a new body becomes your focus and when anything goes wrong your thought process is like, how did this happen?! Not thinking that these are manmade products, being put into your body where they were never supposed to be in the first place. And because of that… things happen!

My Ruptured Breast Implant

After a few months of living with a deflated implant (mainly because my surgeon was booked out for months), I had my left breast implant replaced.

When you have a ruptured implant, the implant itself has a lifetime warranty, but you still have to pay for the surgery itself. A couple thousands of dollars later, I had a fresh implant in my left breast.

I did ask my surgeon how often this happens and he said it was rare but that it does happen. Then I asked him how often was it possible that a second rupture happen, and he said he’s only ever had one other patient that this had happened to. So, I guess the outcome here is it’s most likely never going to happen to you. And I am glad to say, I didn’t have a second rupture.

But if I did… a second rupture would have been the last of my worries.

My 3^rd Breast Implant Complication- Breast Implant Illness

My breast implant rupture happened 4 years after I had my first initial surgery. During that time, I began to put on a lot of weight and other random symptoms began to happen. I had gone to see a few doctors about some of my symptoms and I was just being told I was getting older, and I was just fat. Nice huh?! At this point, I was only 30 pounds overweight. UGH.

Doctors had me test for diabetes (which came back negative), along with being told I was perimenopausal in my early 30s. Not only were those some of my complications but I was also having weird issues with my teeth, skin, and overall health.

I couldn’t focus, was unable to stay awake after 8+ hours of sleep, barely eating anything, and working out 5 days a week! Not only that I was also riding my bike 18 miles to and from school, and still gaining weight.

I was beyond a mess… and I had no clue my breast implants were to blame!

Being Diagnosed with Breast Implant Illness

The final straw was when I could barely walk. My joints were so inflamed, and I had gained a total of 50 pounds by now. In tears, I felt this was how my life was going to be from here on out. I was in my late 30s and felt double and even triple my age. I struggled with brain fog and clarity and I was told I just needed to work harder, be more disciplined, and have more self-control. I felt like I was a failure.

I then decided I needed help and ended up seeing a holistic doctor. As I cried in her office and told her everything I struggled with, she was empathetic and understanding. She eventually diagnosed me with an autoimmune disease and Breast Implant Illness.

The Anger of Not Being Warned About Breast Implant Illness!

Looking back I remember thinking… this is insane! How did I not know this or see the writing on the wall? Why wasn’t I told this could be an issue I might have to deal with down the road? I was lied to… I was told to sign on the dotted line and I would have a new body that I would love. I was told these were lifetime devices and wouldn’t need to worry about them.

I felt gutted, I felt betrayed, and not only did I blame those pushing for us to have these devices implanted in us, but I was angry at myself for choosing to put my body through this. This was the price I had to pay because I wanted to be “sexy”, I wanted to look in the mirror and accept my body.

They Lied to Us.

This is the trap all of us women are pushed into… the feeling of not being good enough. Not being attractive enough. Feeling like bigger breasts are going to make us feel whole and complete. Well, they don’t! Maybe at first, they do… maybe in the beginning we feel sexy again.

But that doesn’t last long when we can’t get out of bed. When we become sicker and sicker, when we start putting on weight and then killing ourselves to lose it. Some have even lost their lives to their implants. I knew I needed them out of my body ASAP.

Being Denied by Plastic Surgeons

The next complication in my breast journey was finding a doctor who believed me. Who believed that my breast implants were making me sick? You know what I found?? Doctors told me I needed psychiatric help. They told me my breasts were fine… they were actually perfect looking. And that Breast Implant Illness was something women were making up. Which outraged me!

At this point, the pandemic had just hit. I was out of work and had no money and was hoping my health insurance would pay for it. My health insurance said they actually would if it was causing a lot of complications, which they were. But it was the plastic surgeons who were denying me! They said they didn’t believe me. Their evaluations were that I needed mental help rather than removing my implants!

Finding My Explant Plastic Surgeon

At this point I was frustrated. I was at my wit’s end and just figured I’d live like this for now. Then a beacon of light happened. I came into some money and was able to take that money and pay for an explant.

A few years back I joined Breast Implant Illness by Nicole. This is a great resource for women to talk to other women with BII and get information. The group has a list of plastic surgeons in each state that other women have recommended. I picked a surgeon from that list and made an appointment.

Full transparency… I was so desperate to get my implants out that I found and called a few plastic surgeons. I loved the staff from this one practice and liked enough of what the doctor had to say… once again, I signed on the dotted line. I didn’t fully vet him. I liked his before and after pictures and others recommended him, so I thought that was enough. Once again, I was wrong.

Vetting Your Plastic Surgeon

If you learn anything from my experience, I hope you learn that it is so important to do your research. A lot of times we want instant gratification, and this… trust me, will backfire!

When I had gone to meet with another plastic surgeon for my explant I had two breast surgeries, up till now. The initial breast augmentation and then the left breast implant rupture. This surgery would be the 3^rd and not the last!

My 4^th Breast Implant Complication- Botched Surgery

Two years after my explant surgery, I am completely disfigured and waiting for my 7^th breast surgery.

This surgery isn’t to have perky cute large round breasts like my very first breast surgery. Surgeries moving forward are to give me an areola and make my right breast look similar to my left, considering it’s half the size of its partner.

So, what went wrong?!

My Explant and Breast Lift Surgery Was Botched.

Not soon after my explant and breast lift surgery, I began to see signs of what I would later learn to be necrosis. Necrosis is where your skin and tissue die… you can see when your skin turns completely black. At the time, I wasn’t told why my nipple and areola were turning black, but I was told that doing a wet-to-dry treatment would be the solution!

Hahaha. Yeah, that was not going to happen! Especially after my new breastfold burst open, exposing everything under my skin. Talk about shocking! I knew it was all under the skin but wish not to see it on a regular bias, if not ever!

When my implant had initially ruptured I was so scared and to be honest… completely freaked out!

This was a whole new experience. A breast implant ruptured is a walk in the park compared to wound dehiscence. There are literally no words that can describe seeing your body open up and not understanding why and why this is happening.

Wound Care and More Breast Surgeries

Three weeks after my first surgery, I was scheduled for another surgery to close up my right breast. I hadn’t even healed from my first surgery and was already going back under. Unfortunately, that surgery was unsuccessful and my right breast opened right back up, as the tissue began to die.

Sadly, I would spend the next 8 months in wound care, fearing every day that I would lose my nipple, areola, and even my whole breast. Fear of getting an infection was constantly on my mind as well. My stress was out of control, my life was spinning, and I would find myself in tears many times, trying to be strong but unable to remain positive.

Wound Care, Multiple Breast Surgeries and Still Healing

 Since my initial explant surgery, I have had 6 surgeries including the explant, with more to come. I have spent countless hours wrapping myself with bandages, applying honey, and have taken enough antibiotics to last a lifetime. Let’s not mention all the medication I was on eventually gave me kidney stones. This was all happening while I was supposed to live a ‘normal life’.

I’ve had wound debridement with local anesthetics, I’ve had to have my nipple replaced on my right breast a few times, and I have even had a fat transfer. And now I am waiting on an areola revision and another fat transfer.

Both breasts have terrible scarring, and my right breast is half the size of my left. I’ll be honest… I stopped looking at myself naked in the mirror because I am angry at what has happened to my body. I try to be positive and focus on the fact that I’m healing and hopefully, one day will be whole and hopefully symmetrical again.

Why… why did I do all of this? Why did I go through all this trauma, for what?

Conclusion

My story may not be like anyone else’s you’ve come across. You may have heard of a few of these things but maybe not all happening to one person. I have said this many times… I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

So why did I do all of this… why did I put my body through hell?

For the quest for perfection. I put my body through all of this so that when I looked at myself in the mirror, I would like what I saw. As women, we are incredibly hard on ourselves and each other. We think our lives will be better if we look a certain way or fit into a certain box.

How many times have you told yourself if I lose those 10 pounds then I’ll be happy. Or if I got breast implants and have bigger breasts then I’ll like myself more.

I struggle every day with body acceptance, always have, and maybe always will. I will say though, that I love having smaller breasts, I love that I do not have to bandage my breasts up anymore and one day they will be symmetrical again.

I am healing more and more each day. And I have the hope that one day I will be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to better ourselves. But making something better is not trying to be perfect. Stop looking for perfection because it won’t happen. When you only focus on one part of you, the other parts will suffer.

I’m not looking for perfection anymore. I know the journey that I have taken has taught me to be grateful because one day it can all be taken away from you… JUST LIKE THAT.

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